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Airway (9 Months)

from One Year Later by Cam Left Ed

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about

My vocal cords are mostly paralyzed: One of them is completely, the other is partially. Before testosterone, it wasn't as noticeable, but as my voice began to change, it caused my vocal cords to get thicker, which made my already narrow airway even smaller. It's very hard to breathe sometimes, and even harder to sing. I could try surgeries that might help, but they would damage my singing voice. At the time of this song, it felt like it was a choice between breathing and singing.

lyrics

My voice is all I have to keep me sane
After so many years of silence
And now I can't quite believe my fate
The ability to breathe now feels violent

And I know you don't understand
How I can choose this over breath
But to live without living is a nightmare,
I've been there,
And it's just as slow a death.

And my heart pours into every one of these lines
Please don't let me give up now
I can't bear to leave my dreams behind
I swear without them I would drown

And I know it's hard to see
All of this struggle inside
But I can never live a full life,
Not this time,
So while I can, just let me sing
So while I can, just let me sing
So while I can, just let me

credits

from One Year Later, released April 29, 2017

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Cam Left Ed image

Cam Left Ed Dayton, Ohio

music from a person just as lost as everyone else.

also a trans person documenting their vocal transition on testosterone

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