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At This Point (4 Months)

from One Year Later by Cam Left Ed

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lyrics

Self destruction sounds like something too willful to just happen
And okay, maybe it is, but I swear it was an accident
And even constant aggravation can't touch this ocean of apathy
And a dot of hope can't drain it, so I guess we're all sort of sinking

And at this point I know I'm fucking dying
I don't know if I care if I'll make it
At this point I know I'm always lying
But I can't pretend, I can only fake it
Cuz at this point,
There's nothing to do but fall
At this point,
There's no point at all.

I've grown to believe in anything other than my own dreams
But I regret that now and I swear, I swear I was trying
Don't know what I'm searching for, but I've been looking everywhere I go
Maybe I'll find something more, maybe it could feel like home

Cuz at this point I know I'm fucking dying
It hurts to almost care if I'll make it
At this point I know I'm always lying
But I can't pretend, I don't want to fake it
But at this point,
There's nothing to do but fall
At this point,
There's no point at all.

And I promise
Though you can't trust my promises
I swear
I'll change that someday

And I just wish
It didn't have to be like this
I don't
Want to know what it's like to fade away.

At this point I know I'm fucking dying
It hurts so much to care if I make it
At this point I know I'm always lying
But I can't pretend, I don't want to fake it
But at this point
There's nothing to do but fall
At this point
There's no point at all.

credits

from One Year Later, released April 29, 2017

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Cam Left Ed image

Cam Left Ed Dayton, Ohio

music from a person just as lost as everyone else.

also a trans person documenting their vocal transition on testosterone

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